Useless News Anchor Mick Medlin here,
Quite a sight to behold today at the BCSO. After a major drug turnover with MCD when meth making supplies were left outside their doorstep, a Raccoon named Alice Medlin (this anchors sister) was promoting her small business, “Shiny Finders,” and selling items out of the back of her stolen 4 door sedan. The police seized the vehicle and probed into the contents of said van to find many trinkets, bits and bobs.
Officer Kelly Price was poking around inside the contents and found a bottle of water. When questioned as to the contents of the bottle, Alice insisted that it was quite harmless. Kelly Price then took a drink from the bottle and found herself in a world of hurt. Bystanders watched her begin to convulse on the ground and writhe in pain, all while Alice stood by and laughed hysterically. Chanting “YOU JUST DRANK FISH TANK WATER!”
Upon further questioning, it was revealed that the water was actually taken from a stagnant pond nearby at some “friends home.” The water has been sent for analysis by the local police department after the seizure of the vehicle. Along with its contents, the stomach contents of officer Kelly Price was sent for analysis as well. Several police officers and even a ranger in the area stated that stagnant ponds are filled with bacteria and, allegedly, there have been sightings of Vibrio vulnificus (the FLESH EATING BACTERIA) in isolated ponds scattered throughout our great state. This highlights the recent push for frequent testing of local water sources across LS.
Kelly Price refused to comment on the situation other than to say “My stomach, gad damn it.” The team at Useless News wishes her a speedy recovery.
With all that said, it is unknown whether Alice Medlin will face any kind of criminal charges. Her involvement in the poisoning of an police officer is but a drop in the bucket of her normal criminal nature, one that revolved around a string of Raccoon-stricken crimes that range from Kidnapping Government Officials, Burning Down Eclipse Medical Centre, Switching Places with her Sister and Mass Ransacking the local populous.
Lastly, we will leave you with the final quote of the night directly from Alice Medlin herself:
“If I knew that feeding people that water would do this, I would feed it to the whole county and I would rule the world” - Alice Medlin
Photos Attached were taken directly from the scene:
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