I said I wouldn’t make this a regular thing but I had so much fun writing and compiling everything last week that I decided to do it again. Don’t worry though! We’re not gonna prioritize this series over everything else we work on, so if this isn’t your thing then no worries. We have two fun articles planned that will release shortly after this one!
Interview with Ricky Jones
Starting off with a banger: Future State Representative, Ricky Jones, gave us an interview while sitting on his newly gifted Police Hakachu. We asked him how he feels about Damien Key and whether or not he feels crime has risen or not risen during his governmental reign. Take a look:
Mr. Jones was silenced by the government and arrested shortly after for unknown charges. We believe a conspiracy may be the culprit behind this as he was clearly doing nothing illegal.
YOU CAN’T PARK THERE!
Did you hear about the Ket Cadelson court case? It’s an… Interesting one to say the least. To sum it up and dumb it down, Ket Cadelson (SAFA agent) parked his car in front of the Legion Square bank, where State Trooper Barry Hill deemed to be illegally parked. He was asked to move it to a legal parking area, to which he parked between the bank and an abandoned building in the alleyway to the left. Cadelson got out of the vehicle after being told that he cannot park there either, he then went into the bank to conduct business as usual. After exiting, he reentered his vehicle then was informed that he is detained and needs to shut off said vehicle and would be receiving a citation. Instead of complying with a simple situation, he decides to drive off after giving his ID to the officer, but the police deemed it too dangerous to chase after for such a small order and instead issued a warrant for his arrest.
He decided to plead not-guilty to “Failure Obey a Lawful Order” and “Illegal Parking,” which is entirely within his right (even if it was a pointless plea). We can see the evidence of him entering his vehicle with Barry Hill behind him, and the loveable idiot Maxine Finch watches on while she eats her sandwich (Maxine if you read this, you are obligated to comment below what kind of sandwich it was). Ultimately, it went to trial and lasted over 2 hours. The court found him guilty of all charges with another “Evading Arrest” charge being stacked on top, totalling 45 months in prison and a $600 fine. Was it really worth it all?
Bearhouse Presents: The Pharoh’s Curse
I’m the dang mummy! Did you catch the premier of The Pharaoh’s Curse from Bearhouse Entertainment? Well it premiered on Friday night, March 1st to quite a large audience. There were food trucks, amazing Egypt themed decorations and no seats! That’s right, we all got to enjoy sitting on the sandy beach babyyy. I was making fun of my friend (bestie question mark?) Maxine for wearing a bikini to the movie, but I guess she got the last laugh after my clothes were filled with sand. Moving on, the movie was an absolute blast! Honestly the sound design and VFX were truly stunning and it’s really what sold me on it. I don’t want to spoil anything and describe how the VFX was, but you just gotta see it. The cast was phenomenal, it was just sad to learn that three of the main cast have all passed away. Justin Lee, Arthur Sims and more recently, Kaz Kane (also known as Jaeger). Rest in peace my friends, I hope this movie survives you well.
Amendment to San Andreas Traffic Code:
Another day, another bill proposed! H.R. 322 has been submitted by State Representative Lucas Evans which amends traffic code, section 1 – Part A, also known as the “Commercial Vehicle Modifier.” For those who aren’t aware, anyone who uses a commercial vehicle in a traffic violation will be subject to two times (2x) the fine and/or jail time. Now that is already instate and has been for quite some time, this new amendment adds “government vehicles” to this as well, so now it’s not just limited to non-government commercial-vehicles. So think twice if you’re breaking the law in a government vehicle! (Ahem, Ricky.)
The Vespucci Skatepark
I remember when the skatepark first opened and everyone flocked over to it, taking selfies, spraying graffiti on the walls and inviting all their friends over. Let’s be honest, it was mostly just people cracking bones and causing bruises. But where did all the enthusiasm go? Everyone seems to drop something once it becomes irrelevant, and it’s honestly sad. Once the skatepark was removed, all the civilians were signing petitions to restore it back to its glory. Now it’s back for the umpteenth time and I never see people using it, hanging around or anything. If you’re reading this, just remember that we all fought to have this amazing skatepark kept on the Vespucci beach, so swing by for a few minutes and leave your name on the wall!
INTERVIEW SOMETHING SOMETHING
We were out doing semi satire interviews with my boy Douglas around Chumash last week. A bank robbery just occurred and we decided to tell random people showing up. During our little storytime, we capture a live-action, near fatal motorcycle crash on the road… It’s called Useless News. Did you expect everything to be important here? Take a look:
Court Case Galore!
If you’re like me, you like a good court case. Although a lot of the time it’s boring, it always gets exciting towards the end. The Mcfall brawl, the Barbie Knight fight, Joshua Evans shot by Yuri Devlin… Speaking of Devlin, his first degree murder trial is on March 3rd, and two new charges were added on as well, being “Obstruction of Justice” and “Reckless Endangerment.”
Elsie Shaw is also being charged with First Degree Murder, allegedly killing Honey Meadows while in prison. She has plead not-guilty and is awaiting trial. You can read the docket here while it’s in progress.
Another notable court case coming up is Roxanne Shephard v. US Marshals Service, with the case date set for March 6th. Read about the case here.
To You, 7 Days From Now
And here we are again, at the end of another article. Sometimes I enjoy getting to this point, sometimes I feel like I could have written more. Either way, I hope at least one person enjoyed one of the stories featured here today, and maybe next week (or like 2 weeks cuz I’m lazy) we’ll have more fun and informational stories for you. Until next time… Stay gold, Ponyboy!
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