Just kidding, I don't think it's possible to contract election fever, pretty sure if your a political nerd your born with it, but don't worry, I have enough hype to carry the message through to you lovely people sat on the toilet reading this because you've got nothing better to read! We're gearing up to say bugger off to the existing congress & governor and hello to the new candidates putting their names forward to stand for office. Many normal media readers would expect a new outlet to cover the important announcements, the key dates and events of the campaign trail. NOT US! In all honesty, we're here for one thing and one thing only, to keep you entertained and provide just enough detail, for you to make an informed decision before you head to the polls and pin us down to a set of people, who want to help before we all judge them their entire premiership (government business as usual basically). Here for the important info, pick a colour, RED or BLUE... both Weazel News and Shout News have already covered this story and I can't be asked to copy and paste their info, anyway detail is their thing, ours is satire what else did you expect from me?!
On that note, we've had our first crack of the election season before nominations have even closed!
Chief Justice Kylian Clarkson Runs For Governor!
And as quickly as his name appeared on the nominations, he withdrew his application... His Lt Governor would have been Rajesh Gupta and we here at Useless News are heartbroken, what could have been one of the best political campaigns of the election (still would be a fierce battle between some of the other names currently on the list) we're certain of one thing, hot dam that'd been a funny campaign to follow for all the right reasons!
A message to the candidates;
WE WANT TO COVER YOU, not in oil and put hot rocks on your back while you tell us how your day was, there's a reason I'm single and it's to avoid shit like that! We're doing radio interviews, in-person 30-60s videos '30/60s with [YOUR NAME]', yes some of them will be a bit silly, like "why is there cat food mixed in the prison food in Bolingbroke Penitentiary?" but as we always do, we'll still let you get your message out there to voters and reach a larger audience (not everyone reads Shout/Weazel/Useless, talk about tribal brand loyalty!). We'll even give you a free photoshoot if you bloody want one.
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